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SNOW AND MELANCHOLY...


A sad and difficult day. This morning Emiko and I attended the funeral service of our friend Jane whose passing I noted in a previous journal entry. Her husband, (and our good friend,) Mark, read a moving tribute to her with tears in his eyes and moments of extreme grief and difficulty which touched the hearts of all the hundred or more mourners that packed our village church. I felt deeply for him. He was so brave and strong but clearly crushed by the weight of his loss.

The weather this morning was cold with a blanket of snow, which made driving problematic. We slipped and slid down the lane to finally arrive at the church where cars lined the streets and also filled the church car park with people coming to say their fond, sad goodbyes. It’s a sign of how loved and respected Mark and Jane are that so many people braved the weather to pay their respects. I was both moved and numb with the tragedy of it all, so very, very sad...

After the service we slipped away back home rather than drive through the snowy conditions across the city to the venue where the funeral reception was to be held. I needed to perform one of my daily diabetic blood-sugar tests and eat something that would control my levels. And, to be honest, the poignancy of Jane's funeral had become overwhelming. What words of solace could anyone offer in the face of such a cruel and unfair experience? Life and death, the great mystery, is a profoundly distressing matter for us all.

The vicar, the church and the service, offered some comfort to those who hold to the Christian faith. I was grateful for the slight solace it may have given to Mark and his family.

My own thoughts strayed to the nature of consciousness, the soul or spirit, and its place in the vast net of energy that connects us with everything else.

I feel that Janey’s soul or spirit is still with those who loved her. There were one or two moments in the hymns sung in church this morning that were uplifting and went beyond mere doctrinal ideologies. Poetry profound, in its own way, particularly certain lines from ‘Lord Of The Dance’ and William Blake’s ‘Jerusalem’ whose English pastoral evocation of a holy paradise here on Earth rings bells, as do the lines ‘Bring me my bow of burning gold, bring me my arrows of desire’...Since first becoming aware of this old hymn at childhood, those lines have had a powerful resonance for me. Maybe it’s because I’m a Sagittarian archer.

The rest of the day was spent at home, sheltering from the wiles of the weather. Experienced the usual difficulty trying to get my studio system to work but finally managed to spark it into life, albeit with a few problems to circumnavigate.

Finished the mix of a new song titled ‘Certain Circles.’ I may have a second attempt at this over the weekend to see if it can be improved...or may just say, ‘sod it,’ and let it be.

Every day counts for something and every day of life is precious. Make your mark with diligence and care, and leave love and joy behind you when you finally close the door on this world...


© Bill Nelson 2020

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