Two phrases have become ubiquitous over the last couple of years when politicians have been interviewed on television. The following are my translations into their real meanings. Please feel free to add your own.
P-speak:
'We are working hard...'
Real speak:
'We have dropped the ball horrendously, so don't expect us to get things sorted in the foreseeable future'.
P-speak:
'The fact of the matter is...'
Real speak:
'The next words that come out of my mouth are going to be, at best, a twisting of the facts and more likely, a complete fabrication'.
It always sounds goofy, politician-speak and, yes, BJ sounds goofy within the already established goofiness. In advertising though goofiness is just as powerful as sexiness in pushing product. Politician-speak is to do with broad and sometimes contradictory concepts that are pulverised, crystalised, condensed and capsulised into single words or short phrases. Elusive products are pushed, but it comes down to who will give us the most money. The message is always, “Take action because you just might end up with more means with which to take more action. as a result.” It’s verb-heavy and inaction is death.
I'm certainly not thinking of any one politician in particular here.
Politician-speak: "Let's take it on the chin, as it were... one final heave to Freedom Day [smirk] the EU wants to ban Great British bendy bananas [smirk, smirk] let's get Brexit done! Jolly japes chaps!"
Translation: "I'm going to bury this country. It's full of ugly peasants and foreigners who work for the scuzzy Marxist NHS, which I'm sick of pretending to support. The proles must be so thick to believe my amiable buffoon act. I never wanted to be PM, I just want to shag feisty wenches and horsewhip dole scum."
P-speak:
"I hear what you say"
Real speak:
"I am going to completely disregard your opinion"
You can easily convince people with words that promise a lot. We are all aware of how liar politicians can be. I have been convinced since I saw the scandal with disgraced politician Derek Fildebrandt. His political career was defined by scandal after scandal. He lied to the public, tried to cover up his misdeeds, and stole from the public purse. I thought that his example would be a warning sign to all future politicians.
P-speak: “My opponent says…”
Real Speak: “I have to deflect attention from myself, because I have no plan, no options, and no knowledge of the subject matter…”
.
P-speak:
"The American people"
Real speak:
"Not the American people"
P-speak:
"Look..."
Real speak:
"The next point may or may not be important, but I've stirred you from your sleep"
P-speak:
"We have the pandemic under control."
Real speak:
"Tons of people are dying, and we really couldn't care less."